so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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