i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
