you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
