you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
