So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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