So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
