Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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