I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
