last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
