I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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