U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Enjoy the penises
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The ass gains better be worth it
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