my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize