I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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