lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
