we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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