Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it's like iHOP with fire
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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