My pussy is not your playground.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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