I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
