He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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