Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
