My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
