You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
