So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
