oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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