The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
