I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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