can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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