good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
