he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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