Michael Bay diarrhea
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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