Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
