I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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