She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
