Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
