paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
