k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
