I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
