i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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