The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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