Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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