I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
