No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
