We had to coat check the pizza.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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