I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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