Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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