There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
