So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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