your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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