my vag is so smooth its legendary
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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