i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
