i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
