it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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