Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
