I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
