can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
