Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
