When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
