i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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