Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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