the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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