A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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