This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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