I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
