Yo dont text me then not text me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
