I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
