how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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