So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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