The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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