I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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