Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
