Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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