planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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