after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
